Dapoppins

This is an old post from way back when that I really enjoyed. Since Emma Sometimes told me how to repost an old post (see that little triangle at the bottom of your "create box" with the words Post and Comment Options? Just click it and change the numbers on the date box...easy as store bought pie!) I thought I would again share my shopping expidition with you. Although it is almost a year later. Sorta, things haven't changed much.

Visit to the Stuff-Mart

I don't know what possessed me. Some little devil whispering in my ear, sitting on my shoulder, dressed inappropriately for winter and speaking just beneath the din of child voices, insistent, sibilant, coaxing.

We were in the Stuff-Mart, I had to pick up something, most likely bread, but my shopping cart was getting full of other much needed items such as chocolate and frozen pizza. Tagging along with me, I had my daughter, my two younger sons, and our Carpool-Buddy. A two year old, two five year olds, and a four year old. The boys were in a good mood, (loud) the girl was excited (louder) and I just wanted to get something done (silent).

As a boon for good behavior which equates no one: pulling things off the shelves and opening them and no one belly flopping on the floor to demand candy, we decided to coast the toy isles. This was my first mistake, but my husband has trained our boys to "just-look" and I wasn't in a huge hurry so I didn't have a good reason to refuse the idea. My daughter being two, (we will call her Elianah,) has not learned the "just-look" approach to toy browsing. My approach to this is to give her whatever she wants, returning it to the shelves before we leave while I distract her with the chocolate that I just purchased. This is tricky, requires excellent timing, and can only be done on days that start with a "T."

Now this is part of the problem and my second mistake: some of the toys I grabbed were ones I have been planning on buying anyway. Our family tends to hungrily swallow into that age old marketing strategy of "collect them all!" and "complete the set!" and "buy additional play figures separately!" One of the toys handed to Elianah was a Megabloks knight. We have the castle (on sale!) and one knight.

Hummm, Four kids-you can do the math.

This is the part where that little demonic voice comes in, whispering it's vile lies. "Put the knight in the cart. The boys won't notice, they are looking at hot-wheels. Put the knight in the cart and buy another one in a month, avoid all future arguments about sharing. Buy it...just buy it! No one will notice."

When Elianah is finished examining the MegaBloks knight I discretely shove it under the frozen pizza. The pizza balances awkwardly on top so I add two other, different toys to the balance the pizza and better conceal the knight, arranging the bag of chocolate to distract attention from the strangely large pile. This Stuff-Mart expedtion takes place the day after pay-day, after all, and if I plan to buy something I need to do it before all that lovely money disappears from the checking account.

About six minutes has passed since our toy isle browsing began, the noise volume of the four bodies surrounding me has increased significantly. I am thinking the beautiful cacophony sounds something like a jet engine just revving up. You know it will get louder, but there is no way to stop it, just grab the earplugs.

"Okay," I say suddenly in a hurry to get other things done. "We need to get going."
Elianah is now trying to get out of the cart, putting her little arms around my neck in that insisting manner that young toddlers have, the four year old (let’s call him Alexander,) is arguing with Carpool-Buddy about where to stand next to the cart, and Keegan, nuber two son, is carefully examining contents of said cart. "OOHHH! Candy! Can I have some Mom?"

I am relieved that candy distraction worked well, and answer something like, "Not right now,” While Toddler Girl is demonstrating her love for me by licking my face.

"Hey, Mom! Car-pool Buddy! Look! A MegaBloks knight! Can I have it? Is that mine Mom?" This also from Keegan. How did he see it!? The kid has x-ray toy vision.

"A knight! Can I see! Let me see! Can I hold it? Let me look at it. It's not just for you. Is that for us?" This is the beginning of Alexander's one sided dialogue.

Now right then and there I should have turned around, bought one more knight for a total of three, or at least returned the toys in a cart, blaming the whole debacle on the grabby hands of a two year old toddler. However, I have the cart in line, and I am more than ready to GO. Little evil thing is on my shoulder, egging me on.

"It's time to go.” Hisses the inappropriately dressed figure. "Your daughter is ready for nap. You’re going to miss your nap time if she falls asleep in the car. Go now, just take the toy, tell them it is for later, lie...say it is for someone else's birthday...just go!"

Alexander has not stopped asking about the toy. He wants to see it. He wants to hold it. When can he have it? Keegan has looked at my face, evaluated my patience level and pretends to ignore the knight. He and Car-Pool Buddy are examining the candy and assorted things stacked beneath the magazines of the check out isle. I put Elianah in the cart, she has takes possession of the chocolate bag and is trying to open it.

Check out person is smiling benignly at me. "Boy, you got a hand full there!"

I push the hair out of my face, and smile benignly back. Yes, I am super mom. I do not get frustrated in public places. Hear me roar.

The volume level is still high, Elianah wants the candy open, and each time she says mom is louder than the last. She has a pretty good vocabulary for a two year old. "Mama, open the chocolate. Mama, I want chocolate! Mom, mom, mom, MOM." she pushes the bag at me, I open it, hand her one piece and shove the rest in my purse.

Alexander is still asking. "Mom, can I look at the knight now? NOW? When can I have it?"

Check out person gives me the total, "$98.64"

"Just for a loaf of bread?” I ask in astonishment.

She chuckles as I hand her the check.

The devil on my shoulder likes to play both sides. "Wow." the creature whispers. "That's a lot. What are you going to tell your husband? Why did you do that?"

Carpool-Buddy and Keegan run ahead to the car. "Hey!" I shout. Elianah wants more candy. Alexander wants to see the Megabloks knight.

Another day in Paradise.

TWO WEEKS LATER

The older boys have gone off to school and it is Dad’s day to car pool. I wallow in the warm bed in the manner that I think a hippopotamus might wallow. The loose skin of my very post- post pregnancy belly even sloshes side to side during my gentle wallowing. It is about 6:30 a.m. At some point during the night we have again played musical beds, my daughter has been transferred back to her bed and Alexander is now with me. Since he is very warm I excuse the bed invading transgression. He had been awake for at least an hour, talking in a low constant stream like a radio alarm clock. “Mom, when can I have the knight? In one day? I will share him. Keegan said I could play with it first. It will make me happy Mom. When can I have it, Mom?”

I hear a pop by my ear and a devious, hysterical laughing from that inappropriatley dressed little devil.